it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
