You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
