my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
