Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize