i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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