I cut my penus on the lid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
