My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
