4 words: hood of his car
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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