life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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