i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
