this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
