Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
