I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
