you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
