I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
