clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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