just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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