Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
