I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
