Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
