You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
