I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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