You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
