Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
