Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i now understand why vodka
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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