so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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