I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
