my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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