have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
