so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i now understand why vodka
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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