Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
