I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The feeling are messing with the penis
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
