fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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