the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
grandma shit on top of the toilet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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