He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
