That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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