Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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