He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
