On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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