The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
