I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
