Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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