my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
