this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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