I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
