he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dick very happy bro
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
