it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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