i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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