Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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