I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
