New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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