but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
