Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You need a sexual gate keeper
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
