So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
