Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
