If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
